


Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

by kaguya_yoru



Series: Let's Talk About Sex [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:45:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8137727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaguya_yoru/pseuds/kaguya_yoru
Summary: “No offense, but you don’t look like the type of person who would need a sex therapist.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that one scene in season 4, episode 1 of _The New Adventures of Old Christine_...it may become a series but I haven't decided yet.

Phil’s step faltered as he pushed open the office door. It was less than a fraction of a second before he continued moving towards the receptionist’s desk but he sensed that the man already sitting in the waiting room still managed to catch his slight hesitation. He didn’t recognize the woman sitting behind the desk but her nameplate, inexplicably made out of construction paper with letters in glitter, read ‘Darcy Lewis.’

“I am so sorry!” Darcy said in a hushed whisper that nevertheless carried throughout the small area. “Dr. Banner is running late today. Do you mind waiting?”

Phil pulled back the sleeves of his suit jacket and dress shirt to better check his watch face. “How long?”

“It shouldn’t be any longer than twenty minutes, I swear,” Darcy insisted. Her expression was one of misery. “It’s all my fault. It’s my first week and I double-booked him and I screwed everything up.”

“It’s all right, Darcy.” Phil made sure his voice was calm and soothing, the same tone he used with the junior agents. “I can spare twenty minutes.”

There were only two chairs in the waiting room, separated by an end table with magazines scattered across the surface. A towering plastic fern was crammed into the corner on the other side of Darcy’s desk, its leaves brushing her dark hair. Wood paneling on the walls made the space seem smaller but also lent a sense of warmth. Phil sat down in the chair closest to the door that led to Dr. Banner’s office, pulling out his phone as he did so.

“No offense, but you don’t look like the type of person who would need a sex therapist.”

Phil looked at his companion. He had dirty blond hair and gorgeous blue-green eyes that sparkled. His white T-shirt clung to his frame, highlighting the muscles of his arms and doing nothing to conceal his washboard abs. Blue jeans and black motorcycle boots completed the look, like a James Dean-esque wet dream. In contrast, Phil's own attire seemed almost austere, a grey suit encasing his own frame; to be fair, he’d left off the tie and the first few buttons of his white dress shirt were open in deference to the summer heat.

“And what kind of person would need a sex therapist?” Phil countered, his voice mild.

The man was silent a moment and then let out a chuckle. “I have absolutely no idea,” he admitted.

Phil refrained from commenting, instead turning back to his phone. The man spoke again before he could put in his passcode to unlock the screen. “This Dr. Banner,” he said. “Is he any good?”

“Are you in need of his services?” Phil looked up at the man as he spoke.

“Me?” The man raised his hands in a placating gesture. “No, I have plenty,” he emphasized the word, “of sex.”

Phil tilted his head slightly. “Are you a nymphomaniac?”

“No!” The man was obviously flustered. “I have a normal amount of sex.” He bit his lip. “Wait, what’s a normal amount?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” Phil said evenly. “I’m not a sex therapist.”

“Uh, right.” The man’s eyes flicked to the closed office door. “I’m not here for Dr. Banner, by the way. My friend is in there.”

“Uh huh,” Phil said, turning his attention back to his phone and putting in his passcode. He was sure now that the man would talk whether or not Phil was actually paying attention.

“I don’t think I need Dr. Banner. I haven’t had any complaints.”

“Sure.” Phil scrolled through his new emails, opening up the fourth one down to tap out a reply. 

“Although I guess it would be rude to complain about sex. It’s not exactly an easy thing to tell your partner.”

“I imagine so.”

“I tend to do one-night stands anyway. Not exactly by choice.” The man scrubbed a hand through his hair, making the spiky strands stand up even more. “It’s just easier.”

“I see.”

“With my job, it’s difficult to have a relationship. I can get called out at any moment.”

“Hmm.”

“Sometimes even in the middle of sex! So I try to make it always good for my partner, just in case. You just never know.”

“Right.” Phil finished the reply and quickly scrolled through the subjects of the remaining emails. He slipped the phone back into his pocket and faced the man’s gaze dead on. “You obviously find me attractive, judging by the way you’ve been attempting to flirt with me. Because of the sheer inability you have to shut your mouth, I could go for the obvious line of giving you something to occupy it but I think I’d rather like to fuck you into the mattress so hard that you’ll make sounds only animals could hear.”

The man’s eyes widened with every word and he swallowed audibly when Phil finished.

A grin touched Phil’s lips, a predatory glint in his eyes. “So are you in?”

“Yes,” the man breathed out. “Yes, please.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback and comments are much appreciated.


End file.
